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Christmas Report!!

December 21, 2012

Arsenal started the season off once again selling our big players who left for pastures new in the summer.

RVP scarpered… Seven years of watching him visit the Arsenal treatment room, decided after his first full season in seven he’d be better off leaving and playing for Webbchester United rather than show some loyalty to the club that stood by him during his dark days of injuries picked up while on International duty with Holland. Loyalty and football just don’t mix. Alex Song surprisingly left for Barcelona after what I heard was some behind the scenes disagreements, apparently his beats headphones never came off and he never listened. Many supporters would not have been too disappointed, but we could have done with Songhinho at times during the first four months.

Arsene went shopping at Marks & Sparks brought in Giroud, Podolski and Cazorla to replace those that had left.


The season started against National Express who brought 50% of their entire fleet and parked them in front of their goal and went away with a 0-0 draw. This was followed up with Arsenal taking on Middle Earths best Rugby team in a game that also ended 0-0. No goals but two cleans sheets for a much maligned defence.


Arsenal then went off to Liverpool where their supporters could be re-united with their hubcaps, took the game to the bindippers and won 2-0 with goals from two of the new signings Podolski and Cazorla. Three clean sheets on the bounce. The Saints came marching into town and not a member of the BSM anywhere to be seen. Newly promoted and having lost 2-3 to both City and United, Arsenal dispatched them with little trouble 6-1. This was followed with a good win in France against the French Champions Montpellier. A creditable draw away against English Champions Oil City, that I thought deserved far more was followed by another 6-1 thumping this time we sent Coventry back to Coventry to suffer in silence. Arsenal’s first defeat of the season came at home at the hands of the small club in Fulham with loads of money. Two free kicks given away by TV5 were both punished and saw us lose 1-2.


Arsenal quickly got over defeat by £helsea by beating Olympiacos 3-1 at home in the Champions League, Then Arsenal were strolling, just strolling into East London, bursting their bubbles and taking three points form the Spammers. Always a joy to see the Batfatman Allerdyce get beat by the Gunners. Then the International break came. When the players returned after two weeks away, they forgot who they were or what they were supposed to be doing. Arsenal travelled to Canaries by plane from Luton, when they should have travelled by coach to Norwich for an away match that, on the face of it should have been three points safely tucked away. Arsenal lost 0-1 and played terrible. This was quickly followed by a home defeat to Schalke 02 in the Champions League.

This is SpartaEngland!!! This is football!!! Arsenal CANNOT lose two matches without a national football enquiry being launched, so the club and the manager were being ripped a new one. Beating QP ha! QP ha! QP ha! ha! ha! at home in the next game did not do much to lift spirits as it was anything but a comfortable victory – still a three welcome points. This was followed by a trip down the M4 to Reading managed by ex-Arsenal player Uncle Festa, for a Capital One Cup match. As games go this way off the chart. 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4 and Arsenal were getting a real pasting. Just before half time, Theo made it 1-4. There’s always hope with a goal just before half time. Second half twenty minutes gone and Giroud made it 2-4. Two mins left and another bashing in the media in the next days papers was on the cards. Koscielny 3-4 surely Arsenal can’t do it, Can they? They can you know, Theo 4-4 back of the net!!! Extra time Chamakh 4-5. Pogrebnyak 5-5. Time almost up and pens on the cards, Theo 5-6 and the away fans went wild. Chamakh 5-7 amazing!!


A run of three games starting with a 1-2 defeat away at Webbchester United, followed by a 2-2 decent away draw at Schalke. Then we drew 3-3 at home to the big club in Fulham with little money which saw Arteta missing a penalty with the last kick of the game. Spurs the team that just keep giving turned up at the Emirates for what is becoming their ritual 5-2 pasting and are always good for laugh. A 2-0 home win against Montpellier made sure that Arsenal would participate in the last sixteen of the Champions League while City and Chelsea would take part in the Spursday ITV4 Europa League fest. A 0-0 draw away against the Villians, then another draw this time 1-1 away at the Toffees followed, ending a sticky month for the Gunners.


Started with defeat at home to Swansea. This was as much as many supporters could possibly take. The gloves came off. They got stuck into the club/team and whatever they could find to blame. The ticket pricing, the crest, the new home and away kits, the new ground, the colour of the players boots, the manager, the players, the board, the AKB’s anything was fair game. They even marched to the ground asking “Ivan what the f**k do you do?” This was followed by a throwaway performance in Greece against Olympiacos 1-2 in the dead rubber match. Unless of course you were bothered that Arsenal topped their group.

A huge slice of luck came Arsenal’s way in the home match against the Baggies, where the ref Mr. Jones decided that Arsenal were deserving of two penalties and that WBA were not deserving of one. Arsenal won 2-0.

A few days later it was only a matter of dispatching Bradford and a League Semi-Final was all set up for sometime in January, sadly the team couldn’t put away more than one of the thirty-four chances that they made at goal and then missed three, yes (THREE) penalties. Bradford went through. A new low in the season.

Last Monday we beat Reading away 5-2 a result which took us to 5th place in the table and make no mistake it may have only been Reading but we played some good football.

So after early season promise Arsenal basically went into no man’s land after coming back from the October international break. Since then we have been up and down like a tart’s knickers with no consistency whatsoever. The thing is we are currently two points off Spurs and £helsea and Arsenal have been taking a caning – rightly so in some cases, so what does this say about the Premier League, that after such a poor first half of the season, we’re in fifth place.

I don’t like to make excuses, rather try to see reasoning. We’ve played eight home games and nine away and these include matches at Liverpool Stoke, Everton, City, United.

Quite a number of players have let us down this season in matches.

Szczesny and Mannone have done their best, Mannone just will never make it at a top Premiership club whereas Szczesny needs to do better with his shot stopping, he gets beat so often. Felt for him though at times when he is left stranded so often. I have no doubt that the Schezmeister will become a top goalie, but we sure as hell need some proper back up.

We’ve had a problem at left back, where Santos just could not fill the void left by Gibbs injury and TV5 was not exactly pulling up trees there. At the start of the season Jenkinson and Gibbs were two of our best players and their attacking instincts helped us keeping three clean sheets. We missed Gibbs. Jenkinson is growing, a favourite with the supporters as the Corporal is a Gooner. Felt a bit for him when Sagna came back from injury. I like Jenkinson fight and never say die attitude.

The center of defence missed Kos at the start, but the BFG has been a stand out this season. Tv5 has not played anywhere near the high standards he has set for himself at Arsenal and gives away far too many free kicks which are a concern for our defence. Koscielny looked off the pace as well when he came back in, however, he was just coming back from injury.

Diaby was another that helped make our start look promising until he got injured after 18 mins against Chelsea and has since gone missing. Scotland Yard put out an APB and Interpol, MI5, FBI and CIA are still looking for him. Should you see him, please report his whereabouts to your nearest Police Station. Do not approach him for fear of injuring him.

Arteta was playing superb, 100 odd passes a game, in total control of things in front and behind him, we were not missing Song as Arteta filled the void. Then Mikel’s form dipped after the interlull. Ramsey was and is often played out of position and plays far too many for the camera tekka passes. Cazorla was the other stand out player in the team and was making things happen, but he cannot do it all himself. Rosicky and Jack were still out injured. Oxo, Coquelin and Arshavin would make up the numbers, but could not make the difference that players of quality and experience or players that could give a damn could make when times are tough. Now we have Rosicky and Jack back, things are looking much better in midfield. Jack and Tomas are the players who will make things happen. Jack may not have experience, but boy this kid can play football and makes it look easy.

Up front Giroud took ages to get off the mark, and if we’re honest with ourselves he is not looking like he is going to bag 20 goals this season. Podolski is just not turning out for some games and yet in others he looks well good. Gervinho is so frustrating and could not hit cows arse with a banjo and the ANC cannot come soon enough. Theo is another player who is frustrating at times and worryingly seems to be more interested in the money, money, money, than playing like he should be by now week-in week-out. I’m not sure what to make of Theo, but all things being equal, I’m thinking/hoping he signs up. Chamakh cannot get a league game for toffee, though maybe he is more concerned with those tarts knickers.

Arsene Wenger does say some strange things at times and it must be to wind the media up, maybe trying to be Adrian Durham in reverse. You never really know where you stand with Arsene. I tend to take what he says with a pinch of salt nowadays. Will he, won’t he buy in January? I would say YES!!! However, this is Arsene, if we win against Wigan, Newcastle and Southampton, he’ll just as likely say he has got it right and his current squad is good enough. It’s not! Come February, we’ll pick up injuries and suspensions and start to lose or draw matches we should win due to fringe players not being good enough to fill the gaps

My hope is Arsene is just keeping the media at bay and not giving anything away about signing new players, keeping the media way off the scent.

Overall I would give the team and manager 5/10 and they must fight harder to win matches and the right to play football.

So come on your Gunners!!! Start at Wigan tomorrow. Fight for the right to play. You’ll be backed again by 5000 travelling Gooners the best away support in the premiership. You’re not alone Gunners. There’s even gonna be a ex-Islington, Roydon, Essex Gooner @TheN5er travelling all the way back from his new home in Australia, where he was sent on a prison ship to watch you. Watch your pockets travelling Gooners

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